i hate this
Welcome to the optimist's newsletter!
Hello, haters!
A bit of admin before we get into this week’s topics. i hate this (and me) are going on vacation in Portugal for the next 2 weeks. I’ll be on the beach, eating sardines, guzzling wine, and noting European habits to digitally skewer upon my return. Please hit that sweet sweet subscribe button so you don’t miss out when we come back with a particularly pointed take on Armani exchange t-shirts. You won’t want to miss it.
And now, for the hated!
My own elbow
Recently, I did some major damage at Eataly gathering the ingredients for a spring couscous salad. I ambitiously tried to add some protein (-1 point for mentioning ‘protein’) and roasted some salmon at the same time as my asparagus, and then when it came time to toss everything together, my elbow hit the bowl and it all fell on the floor. It was a Shakespearean level tragedy, set on black mid-range tile. I am incredibly clumsy but this was a new low, even for my left elbow, which is the decidedly more unwieldy of the two. Anyway, after staring at the mess on my landlord’s kitchen floor, eyes burning, I sopped it all up with a metric ton of paper towels and went to bed at 8:45pm. Thanks a lot, elbow.
Mandated software updates
The infamous spinning beach ball announced a new update was already irrevocably in place on my work laptop earlier this week. Not only was the metamorphosis already happening, but it restarted my laptop…twice within the span of 10 minutes. In a world where everything we do is at the mercy of an El*n or a B*zos, a countdown to restart is a cruel mistress. On the other hand, my panicked attempts to delay so I could send an email probably proved to our corporate shareholders what a dedicated employee I must be. Let it never be said that i hate this can’t find a silver lining.
When your sock slips down inside your shoes
This is an easy one. You know it, you hate it. I was trudging in boots during one of several vicious downpours that plagued New York City this past weekend, and my Obama-era tube sock just couldn’t hold up. Much like my Obama-era hope for the future of our nation, it slipped. And slipped. And slipped. And eventually my instep was repeatedly squashing 85% of the sock. When we inevitably figure out how to use VR to torture prisoners of war, capturing the sensation of walking with a bunched-up sock will be at the top of the list.
This week’s i hate this was a short and sweet one. (What’s the hateful version of short and sweet? Short and bitter?). After our hiatus, we’ll be back on June 18, more hateful than ever.